behavior management - Brooks eAcademy

April 29, 2024April 29, 2024

How to Have Difficult Conversations with Parents or Guardians

The other day, I had an unusual (for me) experience with one of my students and their parents. This student struggled throughout the school day, so much so that I grew concerned and wanted to have a face-to-face conversation with the parent at pick-up. Due to the nature of my room, for those new here, I’m the lead teacher of a behaviorally focused classroom so I communicate daily with families in many ways: email, text, and/or phone. I’ve even done social media if any of the above didn’t work. My point is that I don’t shy away from communicating with families even when it can be a difficult and serious situation, and you can imagine that as the lead teacher of a behaviorally focused classroom, difficult conversations are somewhat of the norm.

COVID-19 changed the game for many educators as we were welcomed into the homes of our students through online teaching. We either experienced a spike in communication or radio silence (Fox, 2023). During my preservice years, I don’t remember taking any courses focused totally on parental communication. This is interesting because research shows that addressing academic and behavioral issues with a proactive outlook builds a positive bridge of communication between school and home (Freytag, 2001). Over the years, I feel that I have learned how to effectively build that bridge with every family I have served. Some bridges started out dotted with potholes from previous teacher relationships and/or feelings of mistrust of the school district. With consistent and honest communication on my end, I have always been able to chart a smooth clear path across the bridge.

That is until the other day. Now as I said before, my student had had a particularly challenging day. There was an incident in the morning stemming from a sick friend and after contacting home, I found out he hadn’t slept well the night before. Immediately, I sprinkled myself with an extra helping of my special patience sauce (one day, I might share the recipe), knowing I was going to need it. The day forged ahead. Recess arrived, and my student smacked a student and pushed a couple of others. We worked through those issues only to have him go to PE and intentionally throw a volleyball at a student’s head. Did I mention this was the same student he smacked during recess?! At this point, we are at the end of the school day, and I know that I have to talk to Mom at pick up at the end of the day in addition to the phone calls I’ve already made to her earlier in the day. And I’m torn because no matter what I do (positive calls and/or text messages home) a majority of my communication is about her son’s negative behavior. She has shared with me how frustrated she has gotten over the years dealing with the aftermath of his outbursts. I was worried about continuing to add to this and possibly make her question her capabilities as a parent which influences the development of her child (Ma et al., 2024).

I went out with my student, who ran ahead to hop in the car, trying to leave before I made it there. He locked the door, Mom started to let the window down, and he put it back up. I was able to open the door and start to talk to Mom when my student began yelling that I was a liar, among other things. I gave a short description of the day along with my concerns. Mom, instead of addressing today’s incidents begins talking about an encounter with one of my colleagues from two weeks ago. Apparently, my colleague had told this student to move when he was blocking the exit door. Mind you this was my first time being told this. Realizing the conversation was going nowhere, I politely excused myself after apologizing for the actions of another teacher. I was upset as I walked away. But I also began thinking about how I could navigate these types of discussions in the future, especially if my student is around and mom may not be willing to hear it.

My mind began to work overtime on how to have difficult conversations with parents. In addition to this situation, I work with another student whose mother refuses to talk to teachers, principals, or support staff. Right now, she only speaks with one of the social workers. Daily, there are issues that need to be addressed, but they are not due to a lack of parent-teacher communication. After thinking about it, doing some research, and interviewing others, this is what I came up with:

1. Remember the factors that influence child behaviors also influence the teacher-child relationship which greatly impacts the parent-teacher relationship. SO WATCH WHAT YOU SAY AND CHOOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY!!!

2. Make sure you are communicating positive messages home as well. Do not allow all of your communication to be about negative things. Even if you call to voice a concern, like maybe the student is ill or the student is having an off day, keep it positive! Make the parent feel as though you are all part of the team to support their child because you actually are.

3. Serve a wrap instead of a sandwich. We have all heard of the positive feedback sandwich. We have all heard of the positive feedback sandwich. You give your negative or critical feedback but it is sandwiched between doses of positive feedback. The wrap approach allows you to ask what the parent may feel about their child’s current performance. You can then add your thoughts and have a discussion about it. It is more of a proactive approach to finding common ground and moving forward with a plan of support. I like this approach because it gives us educators an opportunity to validate parents’ thoughts and feelings by simply asking for it.

4. Finally, use the Golden Rule. Treat others how you want to be treated. Practice empathy. I always try to put myself in the mindset of my families. Think about the feelings of overwhelm and powerlessness that may be present and how I would want someone to treat and speak to me if those feelings were present in me.

Remember, you and the families of your students have the same goal in mind: ensure the student is making progress on their academic and behavioral goals. You are a team and there will be some problems along the way, but with respect and empathy, there can be success!

References

Fox, K. (2023). Building an understanding of family literacy: Changing practices regarding homework and other forms of school-home engagement and school community, 33(1).

Freytag, C. (2001). Teacher-parent communication: Starting the year off right.

Ma, T., Tellegen, C., and Sanders, M. (2024). The role of parenting self-efficacy on teacher-child relationship and parent-teacher communication: Evidence from an Australian national longitudinal study, Journal of School Psychology

May 16, 2023May 16, 2023

TikTok Made Me Do It

So I recently became a fan of TikTok. My daughters were always sharing different videos with me so I broke down and created an account. I had an account back in 2020 when COVID closed down the schools. It came in handy when I couldn’t locate my students through the traditional ways. I made a few videos and started messaging my students through the platform. Guess what, it worked! I was able to get them to attend their online classes.

Once we moved on to hybrid classes, I didn’t see the need for TikTok, so my account just there collecting virtual dust until 6 months ago. I realized some of my fellow educators were creating followings displaying the comic relief that being an educator can be. There are days we need as much laughter as possible. You just need to laugh to keep from crying. I’m not an actress and sometimes it takes me a million years to get things accomplished on technology. Even after creating my own website, an online course, and trying to keep up with this blog I still struggle at times.

I enlisted the assistance of my middle child who was more than happy to teach me the ropes. It was all fun and games until last week. I posted a video using audio from the platform not from my classroom of a student clearly yelling in distress. Not a fight, just a student yelling. I did so to show what educators are dealing with during the month of May or some of us for the entire school year. I teach a self-contained behaviorally focused classroom so there are often days when a student is yelling in distress.

@spedteacherkb
When the month of May hits, even your star students start acting out!! 🤣🤣 #itstimeforschooltoend #summerbreak #teachersoftiktok #specialeducation #specialeducationteacher #educationtiktok #teacherlife #teacherfunny #teacherfunnymoments #teacherfunnyvideos #teacherfunnyteachertok
♬ original sound – BodyDysmorphiaBros

Well, I ruffled a few feathers because I got some negative comments on my post. I was told I suck and some profanity was used. I’m an empath so I felt really bad and after consulting my daughter aka social media manager, she thought I should comment. So I did and the person continued to berate me. Now, I was feeling like I should delete the post, but saw supportive comments from those in the education field. They shared their understanding of what was happening in the video. That is when I decided to leave the post there, but make it into a teaching moment. Hence this post and an upcoming new TikTok and how to deal with a student who is in distress especially for my newbie self-contained teachers.

What to Do When a Student is in Distress

Evacuation Plan

At the beginning of the school year, you should create your evacuation plan. This has nothing to do lockdowns, fire drills, or tornado drills. Your evacuation plan details where you take a student in distress to calm down. There will need to 2 parts to this plan because if the student in distress is refusing to leave the area, then you may need to evacuate your other students. It is also good practice to conduct practice evacuation drills as with other drills so students know what to do and where to go. Make sure you have a point person they will go with if it is not you. If your class needs to leave, then the area needs to be big enough for them to be comfortable and have adult supervision. You may need to stay behind with the student in distress.

Consistently Teach Skills

Now I’m going to get on my soapbox. You should be teaching social emotional skills daily. If you need SEL curriculum suggestions, drop me an email. Students should be taught how to identify their emotions and ways they can self-regulate. We all know that this does not always happen but most students make considerable improvement in their behavior when replacement behaviors are taught on a regular basis.

Be Supportive

If the student in distress is at the point of the student in the audio, there is not much talking or reasoning they want to hear. You can drop gems like, “When you are ready, I’m here “ or “When you are ready, I want you to know how I can support you.” Then walk away but keep the student in your proximity and line of sight. Give them the time and space to calm down.

Keep Them Safe

In my video the student in distress is yelling and I’m sitting at my desk looking from the “student” to the camera, not saying a word. I’m not making any comments, yelling back, or trying to come in contact with the student at this time. I’m watching to make sure they are safe and not trying to harm themselves or anyone else. That is why it is also important to have an evacuation plan in place. Remove others so they do not try to provoke the student or make matters worse. You may even have a crisis team at your school. If so, follow the protocol.

Follow Up

Make sure to take time to follow up with the student when they have calmed down completely and are ready to talk. This may even be the next day, but make sure you follow up! Talk about what happened, why, what they could have or should do differently, and what you can do to support them in the future. Depending on the severity, frequency, and duration of the situation you may also need to call home, especially if the student has a goal on their IEP tied to self-regulation or behavior. Keep parents in the loop as much as possible or to the extent they would like to be included.

February 20, 2023February 20, 2023

How You Can Build Community in a Self-Contained Classroom

A self-contained classroom educates students with disabilities in all of their academic subjects. Students with disabilities make up 14% of the student population nationally (Hirsch et al, 2022). Many of these students are educated in self-contained classroom if their Individualized Education Plan (IEP) team has agreed that is their least restrictive environment (LRE). Students with emotional and behavioral disabilities (EBD) are most often educated in self-contained due to their specialized needs in social emotional learning, social skills, and self regulation. Due to their disability, it can be difficult for teachers to develop relationships with students with EBD, let alone assist them in developing friendships with their peers. As a teacher of a self contained classroom for students with EBD for over ten years, I have compiled a list of ways you can build community in a self contained classroom.

Believe that your class is a community

A quote that is often attributed to Henry Ford is “Those that believe they can and those that believe they can’t are often both correct.” If we hold a strong belief in one way or the other, it can impact the outcome of any plan of acton we choose to implement. If you have a strong belief in something that is unwavering, you can also help others to believe as well. When your students see you believing that they can be successful at being apart of a classroom community, it can help make that belief a reality.

Model the behaviors you want to see

As humans we learn most of our behaviors by watching those around us. Babies learn speech by repeating the sounds they hear around them. The same can be said of modeling positive behaviors in the classroom. You can create lessons where you break down the behaviors you would like students to use in the classroom. That means showing them how to perform the specific skill. You may also need to give them the reasoning behind exhibiting these behaviors. We need to realize that not everyone has had the opportunity to learn how to relate to others, especially based on their backgrounds.

Be consistent with your expectations

Classroom management is an important part of creating a community in your classroom. The classroom management style of the teacher sets the tone for the classroom and determines the effectiveness of the learning environment. Creating expectations with your students and making sure they understand the consequences if those expectations are not met helps with consistency. Students know what will happen if expectations are not met and will act accordingly.

Be aware of your social and emotional competency

According to the website, Positive Action, the five core social and emotional competencies are: 1) self-awareness, 2) self-management, 3) responsible decision making, 4) social awareness, and 5) relationship skills. In order to teach these skills to students, teachers must be aware of their own competencies. Having self-awareness will allow teachers to understand their strengths and weaknesses which can help with maintaining healthy relationships. Self-management focuses on helping to improve your stress management, organizational skills, goal setting, and self-discipline. That works hand in hand with responsible decision making in order to make important decisions. Social awareness involves your ability to emphasize with others. This also helps in establishing healthy relationships. Ultimately, all this helps with your relationship skills to, yes you guessed it, establish and maintain healthy relationships that add to your classroom community.

Encourage and/or create opportunities for positive peer interactions

According to the Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning, positive peer interactions lead to the positive social and emotional development in children. Children who are given these opportunities are able to build stronger friendships and connections with others. Teachers are able to create these types of interactions in the classroom through group activities and role playing. Students with EBD may not develop these skills on their own and need more practice. Giving these students the opportunities for positive peer interactions can help improve their social behaviors.

Lead with positivity!

As a classroom teacher, you are the leader and set the tone for your learning environment. Your behavior and attitude can directly influence the behaviors of your students. Having an air of positivity in your classroom will create a supportive climate. A positive teacher leader is the unifier of healthy relationships in the classroom.

Educationally yours,

Kandice B. aka SPED Teacher KB

March 13, 2019March 13, 2019

3 Steps to Make Your Classroom Trauma Sensitive

Over the last month, I’ve talked excessively about consequences. First I explored whether or not consequences even work (you can read that post by clicking here). Let’s just say there was no clear answer, but I did find a few school districts that offer alternatives to consequences such as teaching kids yoga. I then explored whether or not teachers were being sensitive enough to the needs of their students (you can read that post by clicking here). This meant looking at the relationships that we are forming with students and keeping that front and center if the need should arise for a consequence.

It is an ultimate irony that at the time when the human is most vulnerable to the effects of trauma-during infancy and childhood-adults generally presume the most resilience.

Perry, Pollard, Blakley, Baker & Vigilante, 1995

As adults we have the tendency to put our own childhood experiences onto our students. For example, we’ll say things like, “when I was young, I always did my homework.” We cannot look at our students through our own life lens. Things are so different than even ten years ago. Some children deal with issues that many adults have never encountered. For those children it is important that they are educated in environments that can cater to their needs. In order to be the educator these students need, we need to ensure that our classrooms are trauma sensitive. In the book, Fostering Resilient Learners by Kristin Souers with Pete Hall, the authors give a road map to creating a classroom environment where all students can learn.

How can we do this? By following these three steps:

Identify our own triggers: As a special educator, I’m always watching to learn the triggers of my students. For those not in the education field, triggers are the things that make you upset or frustrated. It could be loud noises, when people ignore you or people who talk too loud. Triggers are things that we want to avoid. If that is not possible, we want to learn ways to deal with our triggers. Take for instance, a trigger for you is a student talking out during instruction. Instead of yelling at the student to shut up or get out, you can come up with a talk out protocol; steps you can use to address a student who is talking and not engaged in the lesson.
Take your student’s background into account: Souers talks about adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) in the book. ACEs can include but is not limited to substance abuse in the home, divorce, mental illness and death of a loved one. Souer goes on to point towards research that has shown that ACEs have a negative effect on a student’s academic progress. Trauma is toxic to the brain, so the larger the number of ACEs the more difficulty a student will have. If we have knowledge of a student’s background, we can be proactive in helping them navigate those situations and create an environment in which they can learn.
Stay true to your mission: If you are in the teaching industry or even thinking of entering teaching, I’m sure your mission statement says something like I want to help kids learn, blah, blah, blah… News flash: Teaching is difficult! Many teachers leave within their first five years of teaching. Having a mission that you revisit throughout the school year is important. It can help to remind you why you chose to “help kids” when you have a student who seems determined to not succeed. Souer calls it putting on your cement shoes, keeping yourself grounded in your why.

Of course there are many other things you can do to create a trauma sensitive classroom, but these three things will get you started. If you haven’t already, click the link above or the title here to order, Fostering Resilient Learners. You will not be disappointed! Souer also provides a link to resources that will be helpful in creating a trauma sensitive classroom.

February 6, 2019February 5, 2019

Consequences. Do they work?

I have shared that I am a special education teacher. I teach math, language arts, and science in a self-contained resource classroom. I work with a wide range of special learners who at times do not make the correct choices. What happens when students don’t make the “correct” choices? They get a consequence! But what really is a consequence? When you check the dictionary, consequence has two different meanings:

a result or effect of an action or condition
importance or relevance

So essentially, one could say, “that consequence was of no consequence!” Insert hysterical laugh track. But seriously, how many times have you felt that a consequence actually worked? Whether as an educator or a parent, the use of consequences can be like navigating a minefield. Step too far to the right or left and it can end tragically. You know what that looks like; the student who never speaks to you again or the sullen teen in your home who does everything in their power to do the opposite of what you ask.

I saw this meme and immediately thought to myself, guilty as charged. Yes, I too have complained about that student who is always into something. Of course, taking away his recess and replacing it with detention time after time after time will definitely make him think twice about his “choices.” Or suspending him for two days each time he does XYZ is going to make him stop (insert behavior of your choice). In my opinion, if a student constantly struggles to regulate their behavior or adhere to classroom expectations they will begin to act out in order to get a consequence. Especially if that consequence gets them out of class or school, situations or environments that may make them uncomfortable. Making the consequence something that is desired.

Now don’t get me wrong. I feel that consequences can work for some students but not all. As I often like to say at work, we have to get creative. Take the example of Robert W. Coleman Elementary School in Baltimore. Instead of sending students to detention or the principal’s office, the school created a Mindful Moment room, where students are asked to use calming strategies like deep breathing or mediation. Once they are calm they are encouraged to talk about what happened. Read more about this by clicking here.

If you don’t have the option to start a Mindful Moment room, what can you do?! Check back next week as I discuss how to avoid getting to the point of constant consequences.