How to Have Difficult Conversations with Parents or Guardians

How to Have Difficult Conversations with Parents or Guardians
How to Have Difficult Conversations with Parents or Guardians

The other day, I had an unusual (for me) experience with one of my students and their parents. This student struggled throughout the school day, so much so that I grew concerned and wanted to have a face-to-face conversation with the parent at pick-up. Due to the nature of my room, for those new here, I’m the lead teacher of a behaviorally focused classroom so I communicate daily with families in many ways: email, text, and/or phone. I’ve even done social media if any of the above didn’t work. My point is that I don’t shy away from communicating with families even when it can be a difficult and serious situation, and you can imagine that as the lead teacher of a behaviorally focused classroom, difficult conversations are somewhat of the norm.

COVID-19 changed the game for many educators as we were welcomed into the homes of our students through online teaching. We either experienced a spike in communication or radio silence (Fox, 2023). During my preservice years, I don’t remember taking any courses focused totally on parental communication.  This is interesting because research shows that addressing academic and behavioral issues with a proactive outlook builds a positive bridge of communication between school and home (Freytag, 2001). Over the years, I feel that I have learned how to effectively build that bridge with every family I have served. Some bridges started out dotted with potholes from previous teacher relationships and/or feelings of mistrust of the school district. With consistent and honest communication on my end, I have always been able to chart a smooth clear path across the bridge.

That is until the other day. Now as I said before, my student had had a particularly challenging day. There was an incident in the morning stemming from a sick friend and after contacting home, I found out he hadn’t slept well the night before. Immediately, I sprinkled myself with an extra helping of my special patience sauce (one day, I might share the recipe), knowing I was going to need it. The day forged ahead. Recess arrived, and my student smacked a student and pushed a couple of others. We worked through those issues only to have him go to PE and intentionally throw a volleyball at a student’s head. Did I mention this was the same student he smacked during recess?! At this point, we are at the end of the school day, and I know that I have to talk to Mom at pick up at the end of the day in addition to the phone calls I’ve already made to her earlier in the day. And I’m torn because no matter what I do (positive calls and/or text messages home) a majority of my communication is about her son’s negative behavior. She has shared with me how frustrated she has gotten over the years dealing with the aftermath of his outbursts. I was worried about continuing to add to this and possibly make her question her capabilities as a parent which influences the development of her child (Ma et al., 2024). 

I went out with my student, who ran ahead to hop in the car, trying to leave before I made it there. He locked the door, Mom started to let the window down, and he put it back up. I was able to open the door and start to talk to Mom when my student began yelling that I was a liar, among other things. I gave a short description of the day along with my concerns. Mom, instead of addressing today’s incidents begins talking about an encounter with one of my colleagues from two weeks ago. Apparently, my colleague had told this student to move when he was blocking the exit door. Mind you this was my first time being told this. Realizing the conversation was going nowhere, I politely excused myself after apologizing for the actions of another teacher. I was upset as I walked away. But I also began thinking about how I could navigate these types of discussions in the future, especially if my student is around and mom may not be willing to hear it.

Difficult conversations with parents
Families and education

My mind began to work overtime on how to have difficult conversations with parents. In addition to this situation, I work with another student whose mother refuses to talk to teachers, principals, or support staff. Right now, she only speaks with one of the social workers. Daily, there are issues that need to be addressed, but they are not due to a lack of parent-teacher communication. After thinking about it, doing some research, and interviewing others, this is what I came up with:

1. Remember the factors that influence child behaviors also influence the teacher-child relationship which greatly impacts the parent-teacher relationship. SO WATCH WHAT YOU SAY AND CHOOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY!!! 

2. Make sure you are communicating positive messages home as well. Do not allow all of your communication to be about negative things. Even if you call to voice a concern, like maybe the student is ill or the student is having an off day, keep it positive! Make the parent feel as though you are all part of the team to support their child because you actually are.

3. Serve a wrap instead of a sandwich. We have all heard of the positive feedback sandwich. We have all heard of the positive feedback sandwich. You give your negative or critical feedback but it is sandwiched between doses of positive feedback. The wrap approach allows you to ask what the parent may feel about their child’s current performance. You can then add your thoughts and have a discussion about it. It is more of a proactive approach to finding common ground and moving forward with a plan of support. I like this approach because it gives us educators an opportunity to validate parents’ thoughts and feelings by simply asking for it.

4. Finally, use the Golden Rule. Treat others how you want to be treated. Practice empathy. I always try to put myself in the mindset of my families. Think about the feelings of overwhelm and powerlessness that may be present and how I would want someone to treat and speak to me if those feelings were present in me.

Remember, you and the families of your students have the same goal in mind: ensure the student is making progress on their academic and behavioral goals. You are a team and there will be some problems along the way, but with respect and empathy, there can be success! 

References

Fox, K. (2023). Building an understanding of family literacy: Changing practices regarding homework and other forms of school-home engagement and school community, 33(1).

Freytag, C. (2001). Teacher-parent communication: Starting the year off right.

Ma, T., Tellegen, C., and Sanders, M. (2024). The role of parenting self-efficacy on teacher-child relationship and parent-teacher communication: Evidence from an Australian national longitudinal study, Journal of School Psychology

I’m still here!

Hello everyone!
I feel like I sat down to recover from school closures in the spring due to COVID 19 and got up just in time to start the new school year. My district continued to be remote for the start of the new school year, but I’ll get to all of that later! In June, I was exhausted. Shelter at home orders meant more family time but that also meant juggling working from home along with it. We enjoyed the drive thru graduation for my high school senior, the actress. We took a road trip to clean out my oldest daughter’s (the adult) apartment in Atlanta. Although I vowed to not work during the summer, I still worked on various re-entry plan work groups. I even decided to do some home improvement projects, that were delayed due to COVID-19. Can anyone say lumber shortage?! I also entered a doctoral program for my EdD in Special Education. Yes, I’m that person. Even when I say I’m going to relax I find other things to occupy my time. Before I knew it, it was August! I decided to keep my youngest, the creative, home for distance learning. The actress was off to begin her freshman year of college as her campus was open. Imagine the usual my child is going to college anxiety amplified by pandemic anxiety. Meanwhile the adult has been home as her college has gone remote. It sucks for her because this is senior year and there still is no word if or when she will return in person. Forgot to mention, I changed schools and grades this year. I’m now the lead teacher of a behaviorally focused classroom for 7th and 8th graders. I teach all four academic subjects for both grades. In case you didn’t catch that, I teach math, science, language arts and social studies for two grades! That’s EIGHT preps, but who’s counting?! A behaviorally focused classroom is was not something I envisioned doing online. I have to say that my team has been so supportive and the students are great too! Have there been challenges? Does a fish live in water??!!! That’s a post for another day.  I just wanted to check in and say hey. So hey! I have some exciting things planned for the blog and my website in the coming weeks. Be on the lookout for new resources that will be offered in both PDF and digital formats for your remote, hybrid or traditional classroom. There will be some lessons for the week after winter break, when our brains haven’t yet returned to the classroom. Don’t worry, I got you! Be sure to follow me on social media for some weekly inspiration and ideas. 

Emotional Safety is Key to Learning

Emotional Safety

Throughout my time working with students, I have read many studies about how to keep students engaged during lessons. What many fail to consider is how do we engage the child who is not quite ready to learn. Maybe this student didn’t get a good night of sleep or the student deals with feelings of self-doubt, especially when it comes to academics.

Emotional Safety
Emotional Safety

But what is emotional safety? The National Center on Safe Supportive Learning Environments defines emotional safety as “an experience in which one feels safe to express emotions, security and confidence to take risks and feel challenged and excited to try something new.” Our emotions have an impact on how we feel about ourselves, the way we communicate with others and how we learn, Let me reiterate that: Emotions have an impact on how we learn!! They help us to process information and aid with comprehension. It can also be termed as social and emotional learning.

According to the National Center on Safe Supportive Learning Environments by focusing on children’s social and emotional learning, we are working to create children that are skilled in five critical areas:

  1. They are self-aware. They are able to recognize their emotions, describe their interests and values, and accurately assess their strengths. They have a well-grounded sense of self-confidence and hope for the future.
  2. They are able to regulate their emotions. They are able to manage stress, control impulses, and persevere in overcoming obstacles. They can set and monitor progress toward the achievement of personal and academic goals and express their emotions appropriately in a wide range of situations.
  3. They are socially aware. They are able to take the perspective of and empathize with others and recognize and appreciate individual and group similarities and differences. They are able to seek out and appropriately use family, school, and community resources.
  4. They have good relationship skills. They can establish and maintain healthy and rewarding relationships based on cooperation. They resist inappropriate social pressure; constructively prevent, manage, and resolve interpersonal conflict; and seek and provide help when needed.
  5. They demonstrate responsible decision-making at school, at home, and in the community. In making decisions, they consider ethical standards, safety concerns, appropriate social norms, respect for others, and the likely consequences of various courses of action. They apply these decision-making skills in academic and social situations and are motivated to contribute to the well-being of their schools and communities.

Not too long ago, I write a post about creating a trauma sensitive classroom. Those steps can also help foster an environment that encourage social and emotional learning. This year the school where I work has incorporated a social emotional curriculum into our school day. We are using the Caring School Communities curriculum and it has been very successful thus far. Do you use any social emotional learning during your school day? If so, what do you do? Comment and let me know!

Brooks eAcademy Bookshelf – Genesis Begins Again

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Imagine feeling like no one could possibly love you because of the way you look. Constantly blaming yourself for all the problems that your family has encountered, hoping and wishing for things to change. Then you keep a list of reason why people shouldn’t like you and it is almost at 100. That is the current life of Genesis Anderson. A middle school student who feels she doesn’t belong anywhere.

To make matters worse, her father has messed up again and her family is out on the streets, again. Dad promises that things will be better and they seem to be for the time being. Genesis knows all too well what can happen when she lets her guard down. She becomes the source of ridicule. It always happens. Her grandmother dislikes her because Genesis can’t pass the paper bag test. Her classmates usually shy away when they find out the truth about her family.

Genesis becomes fixated on making things better by trying to change her appearance. But her choice of how to do so could do real harm to her health and her relationships with others. Alicia D. Williams does a great job of making readers feel Genesis’s plan and cheer her on to the road to recovery and acceptance. This book is perfect for students ages 9-13.

Paraprofessionals – The Backbone of the Classroom

I could just as easily call this post my ode to the paraprofessional. When I made the decision to seriously pursue a career in education, I had no idea where to start. I knew that I had to go back to school in order to get my teaching license, but beyond that I had no clue what I was getting into. My first thoughts were to get a position at a school so that I could get some first hand knowledge of what goes on in a school. To be honest, I wanted to know what teaching was really like. I got hired as a substitute teacher and I loved it. Never mind that time a student cut his hair with scissors (LOL!) I knew that I wanted to be a teacher. After one year of subbing, I was hired as what was referred to then as a teacher’s aide. I had no idea what that meant! I just knew I had a full time position in education with medical benefits. I wasn’t the teacher so it shouldn’t be that difficult, right?!

What is a paraprofessional?
Paraprofessionals generally assist teachers in the classroom, supervise students inside and outside of the classroom, provide administrative support in the classroom.

Anyone who is or has been a paraprofessional before knows how difficult the job can be. Whether you are assigned to work one on one with one student, working in a general education classroom or assisting in a resource classroom, the responsibilities of a paraprofessional can be demanding. This is not to deter anyone looking to for a position as a para. It is definitely a very fulfilling position. Having a well trained and capable para by your side in the classroom can be the saving grace for a teacher. They can be the extra set of eyes and ears for the teacher. Sometimes able to stop issues between students getting out of hand before the teacher is even aware of it.

Paraprofessionals are helpful in the classroom

So what does a paraprofessional do exactly?

  1. Support students in the classroom: A para may work with one or more students depending on the needs. This may entail providing accommodations like scribing for a student or making sure students have all their materials for class.
  2. Support students outside of the classroom: A para may accompany students to their special area classes like physical education, music, art, etc. Depending on the level of need, they may also go on field trips as well to monitor behavior.
  3. Collect data: Para may need to monitor student behavior using a checklist or spreadsheet of some kind that needs to be reported back to an intervention specialist or teacher.
  4. Classroom administrative tasks: You may be called upon to make copies or correct student work.
  5. Assist students with class work: A para may work with small groups or even one student to assist them with class assignments. I’m always reminding people that this means reminding the students of strategies that they can use and not just giving the answers.
Paraprofessionals support students inside and outside the classroom

What are some qualities that are important in a paraprofessional?

  • Patience: You are dealing with children, some that are dealing with their own struggles which extra care and attention.
  • Ability to multi-task
  • Basic reading and math skills
  • Empathy
  • Kindness
  • Understanding
  • Assertiveness

Bottom line, paraprofessionals are the backbone of the classroom no matter the setting. It is important that students see the teacher treat the paraprofessional with respect. In my classroom, I always refer to any paraprofessional as teacher. My students know that they should give the same level respect that they give to me to the paraprofessionals in the room. If you get the opportunity to work with a paraprofessional, please embrace it! It can change your teaching and add to the feeling of community in your classroom.

I would love to hear your experiences, drop a comment below!

Are you a Well Meaning Adult?

Ok bear with me! You probably read the title and thought to yourself what is she griping about now?! I really want you to stop and think, "Are you a well meaning adult?"

I'm talking the the adult that knows just what every student needs. The type of adult that sees a student acting out in the hallway and rushes over to help because that student needs to learn respect and you are just the person to do it. You may have experience with children because you are a teacher, parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle. Maybe you volunteered at your religious organization's youth camp or coached some sort of organized sports. Whatever the circumstance, you know kids and you care, so who better to help than you?!

For a special educator or an informed parent, well meaning adults can sometimes be our worst enemy. I have had students who on the surface are rude, oppositional and most times down right mean. But as a special educator, I am trained to deal with that. So many times, I have almost had a student calm and ready to move on, only to have a well meaning adult come along and say something like, "You really need to show your teacher some respect." Now to be fair that is a very true statement. But to a child who is going into fight or flight mode, all they hear is "You are a horrible student," which sets them off even more.

Don't get me wrong your concern is appreciated. In fact your words may be helpful to the student when they are calm and willing to listen. So what can you do in the moment that you see a situation that concerns you? Here are some tips:

  • Make immediate contact with the teacher. If it is in the moment, address only the teacher by saying something like, "Are you ok?" If the teacher replies in the affirmative, continue on your way. If the teacher indicates that they need assistance, follow their lead.
  • Make contact with the teacher later. If the teacher has said they didn't need assistance, speak with the teacher later to find out some information about the student and how you can help.
  • Get to know the student when they are calm. Establishing a positive relationship with the student is key. Next time the student is in a crisis, you may be able to assist, but still follow the lead of the teacher.

Nothing is wrong with being a well meaning adult. At times, I'm one myself and I have to remember to think before I act. You don't want a student to have a negative perception of you.

Until next time, read on!

Kandi B

3 Reasons Your Child Needs An Online Tutor

By now the inevitable has happened in your household. Your child has received their first report card of the school year. In some households this has been an occasion of utter joy and pride. Some parents have taken to social media to sing the praises for their scholars who have made the Dean’s List or Honor Roll. You’ve seen the posts, “I’m so proud of my baby, he has a 3.5 GPA!” Usually there is a photo of the smiling child holding their report card or some type of certificate marking their achievement. Depending on your mood you may have double tapped, hit the like button or just scrolled on by. If you’re not on social media, you hear about it from your co-workers or family members who like to gush in person about their children.

Then there is your child. The recipient of the report card that also comes with a huge dose of shame and disappointment. You try to understand what went wrong. Depending on the age of your child you may hear things like, “The teacher doesn’t like me so she gives me bad grades” or the ever popular, “That class is sooo boring.” You may have said one of those to your parents back in your younger days. Then there are those kids who really do give it their best and just can’t seem to get the grades they want. This is where Brooks eAcademy can help.

When people think online tutoring, they instantly think that won’t work for my child. It can work for your child and your child needs it! Here are three reasons why:

  1. Specialized Instruction: Your child may excel in one area but may need additional help in an area that the teacher has moved on from. Brooks eAcademy will create an educational plan tailored to your child’s academic needs.
  2. Convenient Scheduling: Your child can have receive tutoring at a time convenient to them and at any location with an internet connection.
  3. More Focus, Less Distraction: Classes at Brooks eAcademy are one on one, so distracting classmates. This also allows your child to focus more on the class information.

Call us today at 440-467-0770 to schedule a trial class.

6 Tips for a Successful Parent Teacher Conference

By the time you read this I will be knee deep in parent teacher conferences. As a parent, I love speaking with my children’s teachers good or bad. I feel that my children’s teachers are integral parts of their team or better yet, very important members of their personal coaching staff. Teachers want to help and I know this because I am speaking from the standpoint of an educator. That is mainly the reason many of us get into the teaching profession. WE WANT TO HELP KIDS THROUGH EDUCATION! (puts soap box away) This list of tips came about because even I as an educator still get a little intimidated when I meet with the teachers. I don’t know what it is, but this feeling comes over me. I want parents to come into conferences feeling empowered and relaxed.

ptc

  1. Have an honest discussion with your child. Ask them how things are going in school (this should be happening daily). Some of you may need to have a “Come to Jesus” conversation, meaning give your child an opportunity to come clean about anything they haven’t told you yet. Being blindsided with something you had no knowledge of can be upsetting to say the least.
  2. Make notes or a list of questions. It is so easy to forget to ask something or let the teacher know something important. If you are anything like me, if it doesn’t get written down, it’s forgotten in like 10 minutes. Put it in your smartphone if you don’t want to pull out an actual paper list. Teachers love to see this or at least I do.
  3. Ask for explanations. If you don’t understand why something is or isn’t being done for your child by all means get clarification! Especially if your child receives special education services or has a 504 plan. It is hard to advocate for your child if you don’t understand the process.
  4. Stay calm. It is hard to hear things about our little angels even more so if it is not good. Keep your cool and talk to the teacher about possible interventions and how you can help. Most teachers are nervous about conferences as well (imagine telling a parent that their child is failing or their behavior is a problem).
  5. Follow up. If there is work that needs to be caught up on or corrected, make a date to either meet again or talk via email or by the phone. This also lets your child know that you are fully invested in their education.
  6. Be on time. On conference days, meetings are scheduled back to back. It is important to be mindful of other people’s time. If you are going to be late or can’t make it, just call or text (I love the Remind app)

If you have some other tips that you would like to share, please comment!

Until next time, read on!

Kandi B

It's Almost Time!!!

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Well, that went quick!  You don’t need a calendar to know what time of the year it is.  The school supplies are all stacked and ready to go.  The television commercials with the children smartly dressed and dancing down the school hallways are in heavy rotation.  Parents are rejoicing because their children will be back to their “normal” school routine.

Summer is a great time to recharge and reconnect with family and friends.  In between doing online ESL and reading tutoring, I was able to spend time with my own children having fun.  Then August rolls around and I realize that I have barely seen my kids reading!!! So August has become reading month.  There is still time for your child to pick up a book and read.

If you are on the fence about using an online tutor, schedule a free trial class to see it in action.  Many people are unfamiliar how online learning works.  Our free trial lasts thirty minutes and will provide you with an overview of the process.  We can also talk about your child’s needs.  Schedule your trial class today!

School's Out for Summer!

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Students are excited for no more assignments and the lazy days of summer.  Some parents are worried about their child losing some of what they have learned throughout the school year.  The logical answer is get your student into tutoring ASAP!  Unfortunately for some families this is not an economical solution.

Here are some things that families can do over the summer to keep their child learning and not break the bank:

  1. Visit your local library: Depending on where you live library cards are free or available for a minimal charge.  As long as you return your books before the due date, you will not incur any fees.  If you own an tablet or a smart phone you can also borrow books electronically.  No trips to the library are necessary!  Many libraries also have free summer reading programs, ask for details.
  2. Check in the area that you live in for other free reading programs.  Brooks eAcademy is headquartered in North Eastern Ohio, so here is a link to a website with free reading programs nearby.  Some of these programs are offered by companies located throughout the United States so a similar one may be in your city.
  3. Workbooks:  My favorite summer workbooks are the Summer Bridge Activities.  They are available for students entering the 8th grade.  They cover Language Arts, Math, History, and Science.  They are not free but they are worth the cost.  Click here to check them out on Amazon (I do not profit from this endorsement, I honestly use these for my own children).

For those who are interested in obtaining the services of a tutor, please contact us so that we can assist!

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